Legislate Morality!
I have recently decided to join the “legislate morality” camp. I was listening to an audio recording by a pastor of a two-family Bible church, and it just hit me all of the sudden. I believe that we should punish immoral actions, because, well, that’s just why we have government. To punish sin.
Now, of course, I’m not tyrant. I sin a lot, and as a Christian, I believe everyone sins and deserves death. But I won’t let this get in my way, because I want to punish evil people. Nono, I mean people more evil than the typical evil person.
So how do we decide? Simple. If it’s a threat to the foundation of civilization, then we outlaw it. If it corrupts the general morality, well dang, that’s bright-line enough for me. And pretty much everyone out there who wants to legislate morality agrees with this standard. So let’s get at it.
Lust, Sexual Immorality and Adultery
Now, I think porn should be illegal, because, well, do you really want that stuff legal? By banning it, we will stop males (and females!) everywhere from thinking lustful thoughts. Because you can’t lust or commit adultery without porn. And lust will destroy the foundation of civilization. You want proof? Well, heck, I got proof. Every civilization that has ever fallen had people who lusted in it. So we have to use government to stop it. Or kiss civilization goodbye.
Now, on that note, I think mini-skirts should be illegal too. Because those things are just ASKING for sexual attention, and cause little boys to lust. Oh, and pretty eyes have to be altered with orange contacts. After we do this, there wouldn’t be any lust. Now, we have to ban some other clothes, and a bright-line is hard, because it isn’t in the Bible. So we have to make one up.
Don’t worry though. I have a solution. It’s pretty simple to know if something is worn only to attract sexual attention. It’s something you know if you see, which is why there’s so much agreement on the issue. So I’ll leave it to the experts. Insert Rebecca Modestee, a Mennonite homeschool mom from Georgia. She’ll be the one deciding what we ban.
And if anyone disagrees with her, you’re living and sin and probably aren’t making it to heaven. Tough. Life isn’t fair. Get over it.
Remember, the goal isn’t just to ban porn — it’s to ban lust, to save civilization. And we have to ban the things that cause that lust. Porn is just part of the picture. We have to keep going from porn to miniskirts to sleeveless and other things. And makeup. Because unfortunately, all some girls need to wear is makeup and bam, you have guys thinking lustful thoughts. Hot girls are only “hot” because they come from Hell.
Now that we have the lust issue out of the way, let’s talk about the other biggy.
Pride
Pride is scary, and is condemned all throughout the Bible. If a heart doesn’t turn to God because of pride, God roasts it for eternity. This means that it’s more than slightly important. Pride is also the root of all other sin.
So I think we should ban pride if we ban ANY sin. Because this is the root of them all. This is so obvious, I’m not even going to waste pixels by writing any more about it.
Plan
Now, you might be wondering how I want to enforce the ban of adultery (including porn, indecent clothes and other stuff) and pride. It’s simple. I’m going to do it the way Jesus did it. With a good, old-fashioned stoning.
He who has no sin will cast the first stone. But after that first one, boy oh boy, we’ll save civilization.
Note: The above is satire. I’m not a moron. I am, however, a Christian. For a more biblically based argument against legislating morality, read the original “Stop Legislating Morality” article published by Reason and Capitalism.
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Comments
16 Responses to “Legislate Morality!”
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Beautiful.
Would you reject a law that banned public nudity?
i kept giggling throughout. nice…
*renounces slap*
[...] Connell presents Legislate Morality! posted at Reason and Capitalism, saying, “Satire on legislating [...]
If you believe that we are never to cast a stone if we have sin, then how do you explain God commanding the Israeli people to stone when they had obviously committed sins as well? If you should never legislate morality, why did God do it for the Jews?
Nice.
you gotta be muslim right?
I hope this is a satire piece… because if it isn’t, then you are one ignorant kid. You want a government that controls what people think and feel? Go to Uzbekistan. Go to Russia in a few years. Go someplace other than America. The United States was founded on the ideals of independence… not independence from other countries, but the independence of the individual from the state. If you think you’re doing the Founding Fathers and our society a favor by supporting legislation that puts walls up around us, then you, my friend, are gravely mistaken.
Put down the Bible and pick up the Constitution. It’s better for your health.
Oh thank God… it WAS satire. I got about halfway through your rant on pornography and skipped the rest. My bad. xD
But seriously… not cool. =P
>>Note: The above is satire. I
yeah i’m drunk but i’m still not buying nothing written here
oh, can’t be stoopid then innit!!!!
I am /not/ a christian, but I must emphatically disagree with you. To say that we shouldn’t “legislate morality” is foolish – what, then, is the basis of our laws? I largely agree with you on the specific issues you raise, but that’s a matter of legislative theory. That is, while morality must be the basis of our law, they ought to be based on broad moral principles, rather than specific moral decrees.
For instance, it is a moral stance to maintain that someone ought not be allowed to kill because every person has the fundamental right to life. It is also a moral principle to state that no person ought to deprive another of his or her rights. In fact, these are some of the broad moral principles that the U.S. Government is based upon. (They boil down to Lockian social contract theory, basically)
That does not mean, however, that a very /specific/ moral judgment about pornography ought to be legislated. The reason for this is not the moral qualities of the value judgment being made, but rather, the conflict between legislating this and our broad principles. We allow the government to sanction persons who violate another’s rights. We do not, generally, allow it to punish anyone for actions that do not violate our broad moral principles, even if those actions do violate more specific moral principles upheld by a majority of citizens.
This is, incidentally, my rationale for the legalization of marijuana, and perhaps harder drugs – the actual crimes committed under the influence are already illegal, and the actual act of imbibing a substance denies no one their rights.
I think religious extremists like you should get yourself killed and ask God what he thinks on the subject, then ask him to send you back to tell everyone. Being as dedicated as you are, I am sure he will send you back.
Haha nice. I was halfway through the second paragraph, thoroughly convinced that you were serious, and then I looked at the name of your blog and your Ayn Rand quote, and it hit me that this was satire.
Very nicely done
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[...] Shaun Connell who definitely has Reason and Capitalism has a great satire on “Legislating Morality!“. [...]